Tiga bulan bukan waktu yang lama.
Tiga bulan bisa jadi sangat menyenangkan.

Kataku, tiga bulan cukup singkat untuk sendiri.
Katamu...,
Entahlah apa katamu, kamu yang selalu ambigu.
Kataku, tiga bulan kamu tak perlu menunggu.
Dan terjadilah menurut perkataanku.

Tiga bulan untuk memastikan
apa yang lama disimpan.

Masih seperti dulu.

Dan seperti dulu juga,
kisah ini cuma permainan otak dan hati
yang bersitegang mengambil kendali.

Hati berharap banyak,
lalu otak menyadarkan
ada yang belum diungkapkan.

Bertepuk sebelah tangan, kata mereka.
Bukan, bukan itu.
Lebih tepatnya,
sebuah pesan yang belum dikirim.

Dan di bulan ketiga
rasa hampa itu kembali.

Cemetery.

A forgotten place of every man's journey.

I like cemetery,
for the idea that men will eventually be the same,
for every carved named on the tombs.
Names that once a living person with passion, life, love story, dreams..
People who inherit who we are and what we've become.
I often curious how's life when they walked the earth.

I hate cemetery,
for the moment, i realized that my life wouldn't be the same.
The moment when I throw petals on my father's coffin.
The moment they covered the coffin with wet soil.
That moment i lost my youth, my chance of having wreckles teen life.

From that moment, i focused on to be an adult.

I wonder how others like me surviving their life.
I watch others, analyzing whether they have stories like me.
how to grow up incomplete, with dysfunctional social skills.
growing up without a father figure, with a mother that always blame the situation,
at the end, blaming her kids for her incapability of surviving.

People told me everything is gonna be okay.
Pat me, and then leave.
They think they know everything, that their sympathy solve problems.
Dead wrong.

Such act draws this boy back, away from awkwardness.
The boy survived with bruises and scars.
Something isn't functioning perfectly.

2013.
It’s been a long time since the last post, and nothing much has happened.
I’m still thinking about that celibacy thing….
So much for a progress, eh..
I’m also considering about early retirement, and planning a lot of things to do, places to go, meet up with a whole kinds of people.
You know…, things they do when you’re on a missionary programmes.
Talking about people, they’re still screaming in silence.
They need amplifier.
So.., that’ll be on my top list.